Trigger Warning: Depression And Suicidal Thoughts

by K.C.
A collage of some old Facebook posts & memes about depression. Link to full description in featured image information below.

Featured image: See full featured image description here. Tim Curry screenshot from Giphy. Dennis Miller screenshot from SNL on Peacock.com. “When You Suffer From Depression” from Boing Boing on Facebook. Steven Universe screenshot from Giphy, caption added in Affinity Designer. Combined in Affinity Designer. For audio, see the YouTube video.

 

Double click or tap any English word in this post to open its definition in a new window (external).

 

4 for Now

If you’re in crisis, this page has a list of Helplines,
Suicide Hotlines, and Crisis Lines in many countries.

 

Nobody likes talking about it.

For some, it’s triggering, it keeps us mired in unwanted feelings, or it sparks unhelpful (and sometimes harmful) advice.

For others, it’s uncomfortable to think that people we love feel this way. It’s hard to accept that you can’t help someone you care about, and most of us have a hard time doing nothing, even when anything we could do won’t help.

But I’m talking about it today because it’s important. We need to end the stigma so folks who are struggling get the help we need and so the folks who want to help can learn how, without shame.

A Facebook post I made on November 1, 2019 about the linked article. "A good article, but a note about the image: remember that depression looks different in different people. Sure, I exhibit most of these symptoms, but I'm sober, and cope by eating about 3 times as much as the recommended daily caloric intake. also, my anger doesn't stem from my depression so much as from traumatic events in my childhood and early adulthood (and from people who are determined to be assholes). And my sleep problems are mostly due to the cold and the fact i haven't slept in a grown-up bed in almost five years. So while you can use these symptoms as warning signs, keep context in mind, and don't make assumptions! When in doubt, talk to someone you're concerned about." The image is titled "Depression," in big white letters on a teal background. The subheading in a pink rounded banner to the right says, "Symptoms." There is an illustrated person with shoulder-length brown hair, pink shirt, and blue pants sitting with their knees pulled toward there chest, crying. There are ten symptoms listed, each with an icon: 1. Isolation. Two teal and one pink stick figure are standing together, while a light gray stick figure stands apart from them. 2. No energy. The outline of a battery, with one red line indicating low power. 3. No concentration. A target with two arrows which have both missed the bullseye. 4. Anger. The person with brown hair's face, colored in a light red. 5. Alcohol and drug abuse. A full beer mug, with froth dripping down the side. 6. Sadness. A yellow-orange face like the sad drama mask, with tears falling from the inside corners of the eyes. 7. No appetite. A very tall sandwich with layers of bread, veggies, meats, and cheese, with a big red 'x' over it. 8. Sleep problem. the brown-haired person, with a teal sheet or blanket pulled up almost to their chin. There's a white image of a couple types of pills on the blanket, and 'Z Z Z' next to their head. 9. Thoughts of death. A black, angular casket (like vampires are shown as having) with a white cross near the top. 10. Guilt. A brown judge's gavel and the pad they bang it on. The linked article is from NAMI.org: Here's What People Get Wrong About Depression.
Image links to article. See full Facebook post 1 image description here.

I’ve been pretty quiet for the last few weeks because I’ve been struggling through the worst depressive episode I’ve had in almost a decade. I wanted to end my life, something I’ve only considered twice before (and haven’t tried in 26 years).

I’ve spoken about my depression before, to friends and family on Facebook, because talking face to face is so hard for me, for several reasons. On top of the reasons unrelated to depression:

  • I’m afraid of making folks feel bad, whether just bringing them down or outright triggering them.
  • I don’t want to hear the empty platitudes and useless advice that are the common responses to this kind of thing.
  • Despite what it may seem online, I don’t like sharing information about myself. Especially something this intimate and taboo.
  • Part of me is afraid of getting help, because I’ve heard and seen horror stories (true and fictional) about folks being medicated or hospitalized against their best interests, and how that can spiral into hardcore gaslighting and other manipulation.

I know most people giving advice after someone admits to being depressed or suicidal truly wish the best and want to help. But because we (as a society) don’t talk enough about what depression’s like and what can be helpful, most folks don’t really know how to respond.

Complicating this, everyone suffering from depression/suicidal thoughts are individuals and therefore will respond differently to different tactics.

A Facebook post I made on June 9, 2018, about the linked article. "Personally, I don't think I'd react well to #1, but the others sound like solid advice, as long as you're careful about how you speak: if you sound judgy, insincere, or condescending, it's not going to help. Also, keep in mind that when suicidal, people may have thoughts/voices in their head telling them what you're saying is a lie. we don't want to believe the voices, but I think everyone can relate to having a hard time ignoring persistent voices. The linked article is from cosmopolitan.com: 8 Ways to Talk to a Suicidal Friend Without Making it Worse.
Image links to article. See full Facebook post 2 image description here.

Parting Thoughts

If you’re interested in hearing more about my personal experience with depression and suicidal thoughts (with an extra helping of anxiety thrown in to make it even more interesting!), whether that’s:

  • what I go through
  • how I’m triggered and what I do to get through it
  • how (I think) folks should respond
  • or something else …

… let me know.

I will leave you with this: if someone tells you they’re struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, the best thing you can do is listen.

Sometimes, all we need to do is vent. It’s a big burden to bear on our own.

Sometimes, whether we say it outright or not, what we say to you will indicate how we want to interact.

A Facebook post I made on May 20, 2018 regarding the shared post and link. I'm guilty of using some of these. It can be a little tricky, because alone, many code phrases seem innocuous. pay attention to how a person is behaving, as well. If they seem "different" (good or bad- god knows I've acted cheerful at some of my darkest times) *and* they're using code, do what you can for them. Results will vary, because we're all individuals with different experiences. Sometimes, all it takes is a friendly conversation. Sometimes, professional help is needed. But doing nothing is always the worst option. Don't be afraid to ask if you don't know how to help. And please, don't be afraid to help. Quoted post is from The You Rock Foundation, May 20, 2018. Oftentimes, when someone is feeling suicidal, they won't come right out and say it. Some may hint at what they are feeling, hoping others pick up on the clues. Others may use language that means "I'm suicidal" without actually saying the words--because saying them can sometimes make it feel too real, or you might be afraid of how others will react. No matter what reason someone has for using "code words," it's important we talk about what kinds of phrases to look out for. Talking about these phrases can help us identify loved ones who are really struggling and get them to the resources and support they need. The linked article is from TheMighty.com: 21 Things People Said That Were Actually Code for 'I'm Suicidal'
Image links to article. See full Facebook post 3 image description here.

So don’t stop listening at “I’m depressed,” then tell us, “It’ll get better. Just keep your chin up.” Listen all the way through. Hear us. And respond accordingly.

Image from Happy as a Mother on Facebook, November 8, 2019. In the center, it says, "Things you should avoid saying to someone struggling with depression. In a circle around this are round, squared, and hexagonal speech bubbles in various shades of purple, with a dotted line along the inside edge, almost like stitching. Clockwise from the top, the speech bubbles say: 1. You don't look depressed. 2. You need to pray more. 3. You just need to ... (insert unhelpful suggestion). 4. You're just tired. 5. Aren't you happy to be a mom? 6. Just be positive. 7. It could be worse.
See full Happy as a Mother post image description here.
 

4 for Later

  1. 5 Ways Our Lifestyles Can Cause Our Depression by René Brooks (5-minute read).
  2. We studied depression messages on YouTube videos and found dangerous and stigmatizing stereotypes prevail by Andrew Devendorf (8-minute read).
  3. More things people need to stop saying: 20 ‘Harmless’ things Parents Say That Are Actually Emotionally Abusive by Juliette V. (11-minute read).
  4. The You Rock Foundation: Jonathan Davis of Korn. He talks about what triggered his depression and anxiety, what it felt like, and how he’s gotten through it (7-minute video). CW: Substance abuse, NSFW language