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This is the third in a series of four #4forNow articles that will focus on my reflections and lessons learned from working through the book (and its companion journal) Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad. See the previous post here.
4 for Now
Week Three focused on white apathy, centering, and saviorism; tokenism; optical allyship; and being called out.
This week, I explored some ways white apathy and white centering show up in me:
- I let my mental health be an excuse not to engage with antiracism work.
- I donāt always call out the racism I see.
- As an introvert, Iām used to not being individually centered. But growing up in predominantly white spaces has accustomed me to being centered as part of a group (white people).
- I have considered myself ānot racistā because my friends of color havenāt called me out.
- And I donāt voice a lot of my thoughts and reactions that would be harmful to POC. But continuing to have the thoughts continues to breed white supremacy in me, which will ultimately still hurt POC.
That last item is one behavior I used to think āwasnāt so bad,ā that I now realize is still very harmful.
Another is sharing POCās voices while adding nothing. I may have avoided speaking over them, but I wasnāt demonstrating any commitment, simply optical allyship. I need to put myself and my comfort zone on the line more, or no one (POC or white folks, including me) will take my commitment seriously.
And while Iāve always prided myself on my sarcasm, it is harmful as well. While itās clear to me I donāt mean what Iām saying, itās not necessarily clear to other folks. Plus, this still expresses white supremacist thoughts, breeding the white supremacy Iām hoping to help eradicate.
Takeaways
I believe Iām improving in some areas:
- No longer getting so defensive when being called out (individually or generally, as a white person)
- Listening to more diverse voices
- Amplifying more POCās voices
- Calling in more folks on their racism
However, there are still a lot of things Iām not doing, or need to put more effort into:
- Sharing information, resources, and ways to take action or donate rather than mindlessly retweeting
- Calling folks out when needed and/or appropriate
- Letting go of the unconscious racism
- Fighting or not participating in the white supremacist system
My biggest challenge in doing antiracism work is my fear. (I almost said āsecond-guessing myself and my decisions regarding this work,ā but I realize that stems from my fear.)
- Iām afraid to do the wrong thing.
- Iām afraid to do the right thing the wrong way.
- Iām afraid of getting called out.
- Iām afraid of being unheard.
- Iām afraid Iāll still hurt people, no matter what I do.
- And I fear I wonāt overcome my fear so I can do the work I need to do.
I already knew every action has a consequence. But Iām recognizing more and more that thoughts and inaction can have the same (and even worse) consequences. What I donāt do is just as important as what I do.
Iām grateful this process is challenging thoughts that I hadnāt bothered exploring before now. And Iām grateful that because of this, I can start to do better.
The next blog post will cover Week Four, which focuses on my relationships with other folks who have white privilege, and what comes after the end of this process.
4 for Later
- Me and White Supremacy text and the Guided Journal companion by Layla F. Saad
- Browse the #MeAndWhiteSupremacy posts on Instagram (This process started as an IG challenge a few years ago. So fair warning, you may have to scroll through more recent posts to find folks actually talking about the work.)
- And check out the #MeAndWhiteSupremacy conversation on Twitter
- Allyship at Work | How to Turn Intentions into Actions byĀ Dr. Waajida L. Small (8-minute read)