Me and White Supremacy Week 2: Halfway to the Next Process

Featured image: Photo by Alex Motoc from Unsplash. For the post audio, see the YouTube video.

This is the second in a series of four #4forNow articles that will focus on my reflections and lessons learned from working through the book (and its companion journal) Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad. See the first post here.

4 for Now

Week Two brought my attention to colorblindness, anti-Blackness, racial stereotypes, and cultural appropriation.

As I delve deeper into this work, I see the extent of the ugliness of the systems white people have put in place, enforced, and promoted. I see how insidious our systems and individual actions can be. I see that no matter how hard I try to be antiracist, I will be racist every time I participate in the white supremacist systems that are deemed necessary for existence in the US.

I realize I’ve chosen not to see the consequences of my actions. I’ve chosen not to see when I am being racist. And I’ve chosen not to see when people I care about are racist. All in the service of “getting by”: not making waves, not endangering my own standing, not making “trouble.”

That said, I did used to think I was a “good” white person—even while knowing we’re all still taking part in a racist system. But doing this work has made me aware of individual actions I’ve taken that are racist, so I wouldn’t call myself “good” anymore. And I don’t call myself an ally because I don’t believe it’s my place to judge that.

Also because this process has helped me realize that white supremacy still works through me unobserved. When I choose not to see what my words and actions do, I’m less discerning with my words and actions. So, I carry on as if I’m a decent person because I don’t do those things that are so obvious anyone could see them as racist. All the while, I continue doing and saying the less blatantly racist things, which means I’m still perpetuating racism.

And I realize now, my anti-Blackness shows up in ways I hadn’t noticed before. I may not be as anti-Black as I was, but there are still things I say, think, and do that are anti-Black. Extrapolating from this realization, the same is true about my thoughts of other people of color.

I am more aware now than ever before of the white privilege, fragility, and silence I hold onto. I’d love to say this awareness will inform my interactions with BIPOC going forward, but realistically, I need to internalize this better before it will become a natural part of my interactions. There is value in working through this process multiple times—both to ingrain the antiracist thoughts and to help knock loose old memories and knowledge about myself I haven’t faced yet.

I’m halfway through this process, and I feel like I’ve made progress in understanding my behavior. But I also recognize that antiracism is lifelong work, so I know this means “halfway to the next process” not “halfway done.”

The next blog post will cover Week Three, which explores white saviorism, tokenism, and getting called out.

4 for Later

1. Me and White Supremacy text and the Guided Journal companion by Layla F. Saad
2. Browse the #MeAndWhiteSupremacy posts on Instagram (This process started as an IG challenge a few years ago. So fair warning, you may have to scroll through more recent posts to find folks actually talking about the work.)
3. And check out the #MeAndWhiteSupremacy conversation on Twitter
4. The Guide to Allyship: “An open source starter guide to help you become a more thoughtful and effective ally.” Created by amélie lamont.